Over the past 4-5 years the US economy has some how become cosmically linked to BRITNEY SPEARS. Let me explain: The US economy has become stuck in this POLAR OPPOSITE position to Brit (as I like to call her). When she’s up, the economy is down. Then when she’s down, the economy is up. Then when she’s up again, well you get it…

There are many theories out there as to why we’re in this economic downturn (soon to be depression, in this conspiracists opinion). Theories ranging from the stock market, to swap bonds, to the cost of toothpaste. However the real reason is TOM CRUISE.